I went to an ‘New Christian’ course this weekend. I would have NEVER EVER done this, even six months ago. Going to learn about the Bible? God? Christian teachings?

YEAH RIGHT?!!?!?!?

I was talking to one of my friends about praying.

Me: ‘So do you feel connected when you pray?”
Friend: ‘It’s hard for me sometimes. It feels like a brick wall, like I am talking to air.’
Me: ‘I guess that’s a true feeling. I remember feeling that way as well, sometimes. I guess the biggest thing is that it’s whatever you make of it. Everyone prays to something different, experiences God in different ways.’

I remember before I was baptised feeling like prayers were last ditched efforts to get my crush to like me, get my crush out of my head, to repair my parents relationship, to help me lose weight—they were moments of desperation. It wasn’t about creating a relationship with God, it really wasn’t about fostering a connection whereby I was keeping my heart open. It wasn’t about letting God in.

I remember when I went to the alter, before I was baptised, because I had this RADIATING thump in my chest. Like it was about to explode. I couldn’t describe it, except to say that I could feel it. It was like nothing I’ve felt before. (in fact I can feel it right now). It’s when I connect my mind to God. When I pray. When I let GOD IN!

On the night of my baptism I couldn’t actually focus on anything else except that radiating energy in my body. My hands were shaking, I was sweating and my hands were cold. It’s like all my energy was focused on this feeling, this urge, this LOVE that was God.

The ‘teacher’ this weekend said to the affect that when you accept and believe ‘the holy spirit enters your body’. I totally agree with that.

When I pray, the only way I think I can describe it, FOR ME, is a white (glaring) cross that is over a mountain that’s inbetween my eyes. I also feel a radiating energy in the middle of my chest. I remember be SCARED out of my gourd when I first felt this. WHAT THE HELLZ BELLZ was happening to me? Why was all this energy radiating through my body?

I actually remember ignoring it many times previously, because initially it made my incredibly emotional. It made me lose control of being in control of my emotions, the pain, the shame, etc.

But now, I CHERISH the relationship which I have with God when I pray. I love tapping into the holy spirit in me. I know that every single person responds differently to the holy spirit. It manifests itself differently physically, mentally, and spiritually.

However, what it comes down to..it’s letting God into your life. Letting the brick wall down, so that God can walk in with his gift.

~Farm Girl

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