Something hit me this weekend.

Something that I have been trying to avoid pretty much all my life.

Something that I have tried to use food to cope with for the past two years.

Emptiness.

I am not exactly sure what caused this feeling to wash over me. You see the interesting thing is that throughout my life I have ‘filled’ my life with food, dieting, lusting after men, focusing totally on my career.

Never on me.

I don’t have a man in my life.
I don’t even have a good solid crush.
I don’t feel the desire and/or need to binge anymore
I don’t feel like filling myself with food

The ‘fall-backs’ that have filled my life are no longer filling me. It’s weird cause I woke up this morning feeling a bit empty. I have worked through so much crap and have been honest with myself. The prayers that I have sent up to God to open my heart and take away the pain that I have dealt with for the past couple of years has been granted.

Now, I just feel empty.

But as I peeked through my blurry eyes this morning, I realised that I wasn’t empty at all. Instead, I have an AMAZING opportunity to fill my life with God’s love. For the first time in my life, I feel like an eager space ready to be filled with God’s love for me.

Isaiah 58:8:9

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will do before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. // Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I

Can I be totally honest, and say that I don’t exactly know how to do that?

I don’t have to shove it in my face, it won’t make me fat/skinny, I can’t check Facebook to see if status have changed, or lust after anything that I can’t have.

Instead, God’s love it right there.

It’s almost like it’s too easy and yet I know it’s a conscious effort every single day to let God into my life. To start the process of filling my life with more and more of the spirit instead of looking for other things outside of who I REALLY AM to fill me.

Psalm 116 12:14

How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? // I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the Lord. // I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people

So, yes. I do feel empty, because I no longer have to depend upon things which used to fill me momentarily.

But, now I know, that I have the chance to give complete faith over to God for the ultimate feeling of contentment and fullness.

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see

~Farm Girl

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