I had a great conversations with one of my friends last night over tea and soup.

This kinda of goes on the crux of my sexuality post and the fact that the past month-ish I have been in neutral with my faith. It just hasn’t been doing much for me to be honest. Nothing has really gotten me going, in fact everything has been making me question what I really REALLY want out of everything.

Why even be a Christian? I can be my OWN person with my OWN faith!

I do agree with the notion that you’re faith is ultimately yours. That you are the master of your own destiny and faith.

However, I do think that you do need to ask yourself one question

Are you doing the will that YOU want -or- are you ASKING God to let you LIVE the will of God?

I was talking to my friend about this, because in my processing of my stagnant, dare I say ‘backsliding’, state I have been thinking a lot about my OWN WANTS from God. I want to be able to have my own sexual definitions, my own prayer routines (ie before major things) and my own definition of what I want from my faith.

I have NOT been asking God to help me do God’s will.

I have NOT been keeping my mind/heart/soul/ears/eyes open to the fact that I would agree that we are here to live God’s will through the actions that we do everyday. For some of us that’s living in a rural place being a nurse, being a teacher, working at the church, mowing someone’s lawn…being present daily with God.

What I have bitched complained about before is the idea of relationships..as a prime example.

Friend: “I just thought I’d be married by now, with kids, a husband. I am losing hope again.”
Me: “So, what you’re going to tell me is that you’re losing hope in God’s ability to provide what God has laid out for you? What if you are not meant to get married for three more years and in that time God wants you to focus on nursing. God wants you to live in the present and live a beautiful, diverse life?”
Friend: “That’s an interesting thought”
Me: “There is NOTHING more unattractive than someone who is desperate, and trying to force upon their life their own will instead of Gods. The most attractive people to me, are people who have their own passions, follow their dreams, are warm to people and who realise that there’s more to life then getting married as the only validating exercise of God’s will”

The point that I am trying to make..is that we start demanding our will upon God..we start losing track of what our ultimate will is from God. Yeah, ok..so you’re not exactly where you want to be…so are you going to rob the rest of your life getting to a place you thought you should be now and/or were in the past?

Stop forcing your will upon God..and let God give you God’s will.

~Farm Girl