The more and more that I get into my OWN faith I realise that it has NOTHING to do with what others perceive of me.

One of the most amazing things that I have heard recently is: Live less of what you think you should be for others and more for what Jesus was.

It has been interesting reflecting upon my last six months as a Christian, because to be honest I have been someone who have spent a vast majority of my life worrying about what others think about me. What do I look like to them? Did I say the right thing?

This has become even more present for me in my walk with God. As a new Christian I have struggled with different areas of how to worship, how to pray, responding during a sermon, dating, sex, and basic socializing.

How do I do this Christian thing?

When you try and compare yourself to others, you’ll always fail. You’ll try to morph into someone and/or something that is NOT authentically you.

I have had to step back and ask myself what I really want in my walk with God and how that manifests itself in my inwardly and outwardly interactions.

Who am I really?
Who am I am as a Christian?
Who am I as a budding nurse?
Who am I as a single woman swimming through the ocean of dating?

I have to admit that internally I am a quiet rebel. If I don’t believe in something I will rebel. In recent history that has been in a sexual realm with men and it killed me spiritually. My choice to rebel, put a HUGE strain on my relationship with God. However, what started my rebellion was the fact that I couldn’t be ‘one of those Christians’…or what I thought was the perfect sexually pure Christian. That just isn’t me.

However, what the last two weeks have proven to me is the God is Faithful. Oh My Heavens. So Faithful. That you don’t have to be anyone other than yourself….and in that you have to keep your heart open to God to move in you.

That it’s ok not to be like ‘all of the others’ because you know what…I have learned that even though outwardly apperances are switched on…the innards of people’s hearts are struggling at times.

And the most powerful…is that I need to get to know Jesus. Have him over for a cuppa. Have in my life each day. Kick it with Jesus. Understand is message FOR MYSELF through the word. Let my understanding of his message drip with the words of the Bible and my own ability to filter it. Through honest conversation, open heart, and appreciation that Jesus was an amazing person.

So I am on a mission to get to know Jesus. Jesus..you ready?

~Farm Girl

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