You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2011.

I know that many times God is called upon when life is hitting the skids. When we don’t think that we can take anymore. In fact many times when people are going through tough times I will encourage prayer and/or silently say one for them. It’s customary to turn to God when things aren’t going well.

But what about when it’s going great?

hanging out with her is amazing

Do we just walk away from God? When we are getting what we want…do we forget to be grateful and praise?

I actually think that remembering to praise, to honour and to be grateful in prayer for those times in our lives that ‘things are just clicking’ is just as important as falling on your knees in hard times.

So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains. I bless you every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to you.
Psalm 63:2-4

Having the stance the God is part of your life no matter what, makes those days when the sun is shining from every angle even better. There are moments when I am so overwhelmed with how content I am right now that when I give my thoughts of gratefulness to God it makes those moments even more rich.

Enjoy those fantastic days…and remember to give a little praise.

~Farm Girl


Before I was a Christian I would stress out about life. I, admittedly, still do to some degree. In the midst of life changing activities in life: ending school, trying to sort out if Australia is where I want to , having my close friends talk about marriage, and watching my grandparents get older…the constant question of “am I doing the right thing” permeates and filters most of my thoughts.

It doesn’t help that as an expat you’re constantly surrounded about the question “So, is this where you’re going to live…forever?”

I have no freaking idea!!! I was only supposed to be in Australia for 1 year..that’s right I almost didn’t sell my car. At the time was an escape from not knowing what I wanted to do in America after I graduated from college. I just took in all that Australia had to offer, thinking that I’d move back home.

But alas, I am here for a longer than I had planned..and that’s where my growing faith is clicking for me.

I have it all planned out — plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for
Jeremiah 29:11

It’s so easy to fight with your life. To fight with God. Ask, question, be pissed off, in limbo while keeping God as a distance because life isn’t going exactly how you wanted it to go. I have spent the past two years pissed off at myself for having such intense issues with food/body image/relationships.

It was only when I honestly, went to New Zealand that my soul started to breathe. That God started to be heard in my own soul.

I got my smile back. It was as though the hopes and dreams that I have (go to Africa, volunteer overseas, work in the country, have a nice kitchen  ;), and maybe a husband/kids) are all stashed away in God’s plan. I have seen people get so angry with life and/or focused on one thing that they forget to live. They are angry that God hasn’t ended all of the anguish of not having the life you thought you’d have..right now..right now.

And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubles, you’d be surprised how much you like spending time with God. ~Donald Miller

I am in a hurricane of friends who are all in eweey-gooey relationships, people who have fitness routines, more money, kids, dogs, a nice kitchen, a trip to Africa to speak about. But honestly, when I stopped being angry at myself and stopped questioning God as to why I was going through pain and expecting God to come through the clouds and fix my life…my life transformed.

“I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you” — God’s Decree — “bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on that”
Jeremiah 29:14

If you would have told me that four years ago I would be in Australia, healed from a binge-eating disorder, a Christian, blogging, smiling like I’ve never smiled before..I wouldn’t believe you.

But, having the faith in God to give me all that I can handle, all the I need to go through..RIGHT NOW…gives me peace to live the life that I think God all wants us to live.

~Farm Girl


Last year, during this time, I had all of my close friends who were single.

Now, they are ALL in relationships. Not just casual..but down-right-serious relationships. Marriage, trips, ‘I Love You’s’ etc.

To be honest I am so incredibly happy for them. I couldn’t imagine a better thing in life for them, they all deserve where they are. But there’s one thing that really irritates the hellz bellz out of me…their fear.

Their fear you ask?

“Michelle, can you please not tell anyone that we are dating, yet.”

What is up with this? I have had every single one of my Christian friends swear me into secrecy that I can’t tell anyone that they are dating when they first start out. In fact, many times my friends dated exclusively for at least one if not two months before letting people know that ANYTHING was going on. What would people think? How fast would the news travel? Who would be upset? What would people say?

“Michelle, can you please not tell people that we are doing more than kissing..but we’re not having sex.”

I have had so many discussions with friends, single and not, about intimacy of the physical kind. It’s amazing to me, because there really isn’t anything out there in the Christian world that has provided me much help in deciphering how to go about having a physical relationship with a partner without feeling the immense guilt from the Church. I know that there are passages about maintaining celebacy…and then there’s Songs of Solomon. I think that pressure to maintain, whatever level of physical limitations, within a Christian relationship is one of the areas that really scares Christian couples.

Personally I don’t care. I don’t. I don’t care if you’re going to wait til your married to kiss (I would ask why not, but I’ll respect you) and I don’t care if you’re having sex (I’ll ask if you it’s actually what you want to do and if you’re ready for the consequences of it). At the end of the day, it isn’t up to me to judge. What is up to, is to insure that you are maintaining a relationship with God, your partner and your own faith that insures that you’re comfortable and respectful of where you are.

“Michelle, we are going away…but don’t worry we have separate beds. I am just so worried what people would think.”

I think it’s interesting that my adult friends have to justify to me that they have separate beds. Of course, sharing a bed can lead to ‘bad’ things and decisions that may not be the best..however you define this. The thing that annoys me is that the fear that some of my friends have is that if people knew that they were going away and they didn’t announce, literally, that they had separate beds that their morals would be in question. Why do we assume this? Why can’t we trust people’s boundaries and decisions?

Being the single girl in the midst of a hurricane of serious Christian relationships has been fascinating. I feel like I have become the secret/sound board for things which I find trivial and useless in forging an open, honest, discussion about healthy formations of relationships. I have realised that what you see in many Christian relationships are show in public and held-back because people are so incredibly afraid of being affectionate, open and honest. It’s hush-hush “because I don’t want to be judged by people” for our decisions.

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to judge someone’s relationships choices. I do think it’s normal and healthy to ask if the relationship is following someone’s personal boundaries, faith dimension and respect for themselves. I do think it’s good to remind people of their walk with faith in their relationships, because I think that it ensures that people are respecting their foundation.

But to judge….that’s not my job.

~Farm Girl

I went home and chilled out with my family for three weeks. When I was there I got into some pretty powerful and life-changing conversations with one of my family members. She’s a woman with a heart for God and lives it throughout her whole life.

I think it’s easy to tell everyone how on fire your heart is for God…and not talk about your struggles. Or catapult certain people up on a pedestal in our minds as the ones who ‘have it all together’.

But I do think that every single person, no matter what, has or is having, a moment where they feel that God is not with them. Where God has left them. There are many instances when we feel as those God isn’t with us, we’re fighting alone and the idea of a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ is so incredibly far fetched that we can simply give up.

He shuts me in so I’ll never get out, Manacles my hangs, shackles my feet. Even when I cry out and plead for help,
he locks up my prayers and throws away the key. He sets up blockades with quarried limestones. He’s got me cornered.

Lamentations 3:7-9

My life is so CRAP right now, that God couldn’t possibly with me. In fact, God is against me. SCREW this religion crap. Screw it all!

RUNNING far far away is a logical response. If you’ve placed you’re faith in God, church, your church family, friends, etc. and then in the midst of it all you feel as though you’re not being heard it’s so easy to just give up. Lose your faith. Quit prayer, seeking ‘the light’ and isolating yourself.

I went through that. I hadn’t found my place in a church, a group of people that supported me.

More importantly I hadn’t found myself.

I have heard many times before that ‘you just need to let God in.’ And I wouldn’t argue against this. However, I would argue that you have to open your heart to yourself. If you can’t find your own love for yourself, or an ioda of worth…then it becomes incredibly hard to have God in your heart.

For me, I started listening to the idea that God will always be there. EVEN when I didn’t BELIEVE that could be possible. I held onto this faith, that not matter what God did have my best interest at heart.

Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk away and fail to return.

Lamentations 3:31

Once I wrapped my head around that, I started seeking God.

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst”

Lamentations 3:28-30

Why should I seek God when I felt that God was SO far away?

Because God’s love is healing and the relationship that you can have with God is so profound. It was only when I started to develop a relationship with God through prayer, shouting out in anger at him, crying through the pain that I felt..that my heart started to heal.

What got me to the place where I have exalted God over my troubles in life…is that fact that each and every single day is new.

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!

Lamentations 3:22-23

In those moments get down on your knees. Even if you don’t see God in your life, in your heart or even your own self-love. It doesn’t matter. Scream, cry, pray it out. I do believe that God is always there, but it’s a matter of finding that faith and love inside of your own heart to let God in when it feels as though it’s all just a bunch of dark.

It’s the one light your have in a dark time as you wait for daybreak and the rising of the Morning Star in your hearts.

1 Peter 1:20

What  has come into my life is not only the Love and Light of God..BUT my own sense of worth. The worth that was there the whole time, which has been shown to me by my growing relationship with God, my faith, and relationship to it all.


~Farm Girl


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