I went home and chilled out with my family for three weeks. When I was there I got into some pretty powerful and life-changing conversations with one of my family members. She’s a woman with a heart for God and lives it throughout her whole life.

I think it’s easy to tell everyone how on fire your heart is for God…and not talk about your struggles. Or catapult certain people up on a pedestal in our minds as the ones who ‘have it all together’.

But I do think that every single person, no matter what, has or is having, a moment where they feel that God is not with them. Where God has left them. There are many instances when we feel as those God isn’t with us, we’re fighting alone and the idea of a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ is so incredibly far fetched that we can simply give up.

He shuts me in so I’ll never get out, Manacles my hangs, shackles my feet. Even when I cry out and plead for help,
he locks up my prayers and throws away the key. He sets up blockades with quarried limestones. He’s got me cornered.

Lamentations 3:7-9

My life is so CRAP right now, that God couldn’t possibly with me. In fact, God is against me. SCREW this religion crap. Screw it all!

RUNNING far far away is a logical response. If you’ve placed you’re faith in God, church, your church family, friends, etc. and then in the midst of it all you feel as though you’re not being heard it’s so easy to just give up. Lose your faith. Quit prayer, seeking ‘the light’ and isolating yourself.

I went through that. I hadn’t found my place in a church, a group of people that supported me.

More importantly I hadn’t found myself.

I have heard many times before that ‘you just need to let God in.’ And I wouldn’t argue against this. However, I would argue that you have to open your heart to yourself. If you can’t find your own love for yourself, or an ioda of worth…then it becomes incredibly hard to have God in your heart.

For me, I started listening to the idea that God will always be there. EVEN when I didn’t BELIEVE that could be possible. I held onto this faith, that not matter what God did have my best interest at heart.

Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk away and fail to return.

Lamentations 3:31

Once I wrapped my head around that, I started seeking God.

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst”

Lamentations 3:28-30

Why should I seek God when I felt that God was SO far away?

Because God’s love is healing and the relationship that you can have with God is so profound. It was only when I started to develop a relationship with God through prayer, shouting out in anger at him, crying through the pain that I felt..that my heart started to heal.

What got me to the place where I have exalted God over my troubles in life…is that fact that each and every single day is new.

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!

Lamentations 3:22-23

In those moments get down on your knees. Even if you don’t see God in your life, in your heart or even your own self-love. It doesn’t matter. Scream, cry, pray it out. I do believe that God is always there, but it’s a matter of finding that faith and love inside of your own heart to let God in when it feels as though it’s all just a bunch of dark.

It’s the one light your have in a dark time as you wait for daybreak and the rising of the Morning Star in your hearts.

1 Peter 1:20

What  has come into my life is not only the Love and Light of God..BUT my own sense of worth. The worth that was there the whole time, which has been shown to me by my growing relationship with God, my faith, and relationship to it all.


~Farm Girl