Last year, during this time, I had all of my close friends who were single.

Now, they are ALL in relationships. Not just casual..but down-right-serious relationships. Marriage, trips, ‘I Love You’s’ etc.

To be honest I am so incredibly happy for them. I couldn’t imagine a better thing in life for them, they all deserve where they are. But there’s one thing that really irritates the hellz bellz out of me…their fear.

Their fear you ask?

“Michelle, can you please not tell anyone that we are dating, yet.”

What is up with this? I have had every single one of my Christian friends swear me into secrecy that I can’t tell anyone that they are dating when they first start out. In fact, many times my friends dated exclusively for at least one if not two months before letting people know that ANYTHING was going on. What would people think? How fast would the news travel? Who would be upset? What would people say?

“Michelle, can you please not tell people that we are doing more than kissing..but we’re not having sex.”

I have had so many discussions with friends, single and not, about intimacy of the physical kind. It’s amazing to me, because there really isn’t anything out there in the Christian world that has provided me much help in deciphering how to go about having a physical relationship with a partner without feeling the immense guilt from the Church. I know that there are passages about maintaining celebacy…and then there’s Songs of Solomon. I think that pressure to maintain, whatever level of physical limitations, within a Christian relationship is one of the areas that really scares Christian couples.

Personally I don’t care. I don’t. I don’t care if you’re going to wait til your married to kiss (I would ask why not, but I’ll respect you) and I don’t care if you’re having sex (I’ll ask if you it’s actually what you want to do and if you’re ready for the consequences of it). At the end of the day, it isn’t up to me to judge. What is up to, is to insure that you are maintaining a relationship with God, your partner and your own faith that insures that you’re comfortable and respectful of where you are.

“Michelle, we are going away…but don’t worry we have separate beds. I am just so worried what people would think.”

I think it’s interesting that my adult friends have to justify to me that they have separate beds. Of course, sharing a bed can lead to ‘bad’ things and decisions that may not be the best..however you define this. The thing that annoys me is that the fear that some of my friends have is that if people knew that they were going away and they didn’t announce, literally, that they had separate beds that their morals would be in question. Why do we assume this? Why can’t we trust people’s boundaries and decisions?

Being the single girl in the midst of a hurricane of serious Christian relationships has been fascinating. I feel like I have become the secret/sound board for things which I find trivial and useless in forging an open, honest, discussion about healthy formations of relationships. I have realised that what you see in many Christian relationships are show in public and held-back because people are so incredibly afraid of being affectionate, open and honest. It’s hush-hush “because I don’t want to be judged by people” for our decisions.

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to judge someone’s relationships choices. I do think it’s normal and healthy to ask if the relationship is following someone’s personal boundaries, faith dimension and respect for themselves. I do think it’s good to remind people of their walk with faith in their relationships, because I think that it ensures that people are respecting their foundation.

But to judge….that’s not my job.

~Farm Girl

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