Before I was a Christian I would stress out about life. I, admittedly, still do to some degree. In the midst of life changing activities in life: ending school, trying to sort out if Australia is where I want to , having my close friends talk about marriage, and watching my grandparents get older…the constant question of “am I doing the right thing” permeates and filters most of my thoughts.

It doesn’t help that as an expat you’re constantly surrounded about the question “So, is this where you’re going to live…forever?”

I have no freaking idea!!! I was only supposed to be in Australia for 1 year..that’s right I almost didn’t sell my car. At the time was an escape from not knowing what I wanted to do in America after I graduated from college. I just took in all that Australia had to offer, thinking that I’d move back home.

But alas, I am here for a longer than I had planned..and that’s where my growing faith is clicking for me.

I have it all planned out — plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for
Jeremiah 29:11

It’s so easy to fight with your life. To fight with God. Ask, question, be pissed off, in limbo while keeping God as a distance because life isn’t going exactly how you wanted it to go. I have spent the past two years pissed off at myself for having such intense issues with food/body image/relationships.

It was only when I honestly, went to New Zealand that my soul started to breathe. That God started to be heard in my own soul.

I got my smile back. It was as though the hopes and dreams that I have (go to Africa, volunteer overseas, work in the country, have a nice kitchen  ;), and maybe a husband/kids) are all stashed away in God’s plan. I have seen people get so angry with life and/or focused on one thing that they forget to live. They are angry that God hasn’t ended all of the anguish of not having the life you thought you’d have..right now..right now.

And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubles, you’d be surprised how much you like spending time with God. ~Donald Miller

I am in a hurricane of friends who are all in eweey-gooey relationships, people who have fitness routines, more money, kids, dogs, a nice kitchen, a trip to Africa to speak about. But honestly, when I stopped being angry at myself and stopped questioning God as to why I was going through pain and expecting God to come through the clouds and fix my life…my life transformed.

“I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you” — God’s Decree — “bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on that”
Jeremiah 29:14

If you would have told me that four years ago I would be in Australia, healed from a binge-eating disorder, a Christian, blogging, smiling like I’ve never smiled before..I wouldn’t believe you.

But, having the faith in God to give me all that I can handle, all the I need to go through..RIGHT NOW…gives me peace to live the life that I think God all wants us to live.

~Farm Girl

 

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