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The blogging world is littered with Moms, Dads, Perfectionists who are starting a journey down a road where they put themselves as number one. Where they are finding the voice within them that says “it’s ok to do things for yourself first.”

I have struggled with this.

In fact when I am having a ‘good day’ with food (this is a left-over mental pattern of being food/diet obsessed) I can easily find myself shriveling under the increasing pressure that the little voice/Devil throws at me in my moment of accomplishment.

For many of us, we need something bigger than us.

Previously this used to be a diet.
Previously this has been a man.
Previously this has been having my family proud of my weight-loss.
Previously this has been due to a comparison of myself to someone else.

The strength was outside of myself, because I didn’t think that I had enough strength within myself to actually do what I wanted in life..and that was to lose weight. It was sole focus for so long, but it was enabled by outside forces that had nothing to do with what I wanted. At least the reasons for losing weight, weren’t something that I found to be of sustainable value.

In my dire moments of struggle, I have really found a new place of strength…my relationship with God.

Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. […] Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before your Master, it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet. James 4:8-10

Food doesn’t give me internal strength.
A number on a scale doesn’t give me internal strength.
I pair of pants at a certain size doesn’t give me internal strength.

They have only given me obsession.

My faith, falling on my knees, praying, being present in my moments of obsession…give me internal strength.

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. […] Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. James 1:5-6

It’s ok to cry-out to God.
It’s ok to get on your knees.
It’s ok to show God your weakness.
It’s ok to admit fault.
It’s ok to admit to God and yourself as to exactly where you are.

The most important thing, for me, is knowing that my strength…my undeniable, unshakable, solid internal strength no longer comes from my relationship with food, dieting, binging, exercise.

It comes from God.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at your from all sides. You know that under pressures, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-4

~Farm Girl


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